Good Cop, Fake Cop0 Comments

We all know crime doesn’t pay, but that doesn’t mean we can’t pay criminals for their crime stories.  And I don’t really think any of us would want to live in the crushingly dreary world where we couldn’t, because let’s face it- the superhuman idiocy of some crimes make for some pretty darn good watchin’.

That’s why I’m so dumbfounded as to why my screenplay, Criminal Mischief, mires in development hell. I’m never really been the jealous type, though, which is why I’m thrilled for John Davis, Dan Spilo, and David Klawans, who’ve just obtained the rights to the story of Bill Anthony Jakob.

Now the name might not ring a bell for you, as it most decidedly did not for me when I first heard it.  Thanks to the heroic trio of Davis, Spilo, and Klawans, all that’s about to change, as one day the world will remember this man for the tragic figure he was: an audaciously silly criminal genius, which could mean only one thing.

Bill Anthony Jakob is a security guard from Missouri who is facing twenty-three counts “impersonating a law enforcement officer.”  According to Variety, Jakob donned a fake badge in order to parade about as a Homeland Security Department officer and thwart the drug dealers of in the Missouri town of Gerald.

The script has practically written itself.  In fact, if I could have made something like this up, maybe two dozen Hollywood producers would have been clamoring for Criminal Mischief with the same fervor they were for Jakob’s saga.

According to reports, Jakob maintained office space wherein phone calls were answered with a woman’s voice cooing, “Multi-Jurisdictional Task Force,” which Eddie Murphy aficionados (and there are more than you think) will recognize from Beverly Hills Cop.

Perhaps least surprising in all of this is Jakob’s full cooperation with the project, as he is not denying any of the charges leveled against him.

Again according to Variety, “‘We’ll turn the tone to darkly comedic, but we don’t have to go away from reality to make this amazingly fun and absurd story,’ Spilo said.”  I don’t believe I run the slightest risk of over-hyping this film when I say it should be the greatest ever made.

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