December 12th, 2008

Maybe it’s irony but our Positively Celebrity “celebrities” sometimes behave rather…er…well, positively un-positive. But that’s not our fault. And since we owe it to our readers to keep them informed it’s only fair that we give the whole news and nothing but the news. So here goes our very first “Un-Positively Celebrity” rap sheet:

From the “We Knew He Wouldn’t Let Us Down” Category: The first honor goes to…DMX! As we said way back in August (the 18th to be exact), we can always count on this guy to keep us in the criminal loop.

This time he’s back in the slammer after “allegedly” missing a court appearance. (What the crap is “allegedly”? Either he showed up or not.) DMX (aka Earl Simmons, as he’s known in the justice system) failed to report to court recently in Phoenix. Miami police picked him up and he’s soon to ship out to Arizona where he’ll face charges of drug possession (which would explain a lot), identity theft (which he apparently resorted to after “blowing” all his cold cash) and animal cruelty (hey, a guy’s gotta work).

I said it back then and I’ll say it again: stay tuned…there’s always another DMX story down the road.

From the “…But Officer, These Are PRESCRIPTION Drugs” Category: Congratulations to Heather Locklear for her erratic driving behavior back in September.

After trying to reason why she shouldn’t get cited, an investigation revealed that she should just be busted like everyone else who drives under the influence. The former primetime serial queen was finally charged with one misdemeanor count of DUI, a far cry better than the vehicular manslaughter charge her actions could have caused had she not been stopped.

Her arraignment date is scheduled for January 26, 2009. Kudos to the police for stepping up and realizing the seriousness of the situation. Doesn’t matter the drugs were prescribed; it’s dangerous.

I like Heather. Always have. But driving without all your mental faculties is…well, senseless. Note to Heather: I know it’s been a little difficult as of late but pull yourself together, baby girl. It ain’t that serious.

From the “I’ll Do Anything for Another 15 Minutes of Fame” Category: Our shout-out goes to Mary Delgado. What’s that? Don’t recognize the name? Yeah, that’s the point.

Some people will do anything to keep in the public eye. Delgado was a winner of ABC’s The Bachelor a few seasons back. That’s “The Bachelor”…you know, the show about men dating lots of women and…nevermind.

Anyway, Delgado was recently arrested after a drunken binge that ended with a fight with the police. Way to keep your name in the rags, Mary.

Our winner in the “You’re No Jack Bauer!” Category goes to the baddest man on the small screen: Keifer Sutherland. It breaks my heart to know that 24’s Bauer (aka Kiefer Sutherland) is really…(gulp!)…just an actor!

In a recent interview, Sutherland replayed his seven-week ordeal with two words: no smoking. Come on, Kiefer! Bauer would never complain about a small inconvenience as that. My word man – he’s broken up terror cells with a thought! Brought down an entire regime with one phone call (and a bit of armament) – and saved the President of the United States (the second guy; first one bit the bullet).

My point is: suck it up, dude! It was seven weeks! In county jail. County, for goodness sakes! That’s like recess for vagrants. Sutherland, it pains me to say, but you’re no Jack Bauer. (Sob, sob.) I’m crying here. Really. I am.

We can’t swear to it, but rumor has it that lovable George O’Malley (nee T.R. Knight) of Grey’s Anatomy will soon make his exit from the former can’t-miss ABC TV drama.

Apparently, Knight’s fed-up with his lackluster storyline this season. (Can’t say I blame him. Have you SEEN the show lately? A real yawner.)

Anyway, just last week rumor had it that Knight picked up his marbles, packed them away and stormed off the set. Not sure about that one, especially since sources close to the set say Knight was at the table reading as always. (He’s such a professional!)

But the latest rumor wouldn’t have any of us at a loss. After all, Grey’s Anatomy, which was the talk of the town just a few seasons back, has teetered off the deep end of the pool – and apparently lost millions of viewers in the process.

Sure, we might miss cuddly George but if the drama is on its way out he might want to jump ship before it sinks. I’m just sayin’.

At the same time his long-awaited album Chinese Democracy is finally in stores (and getting some great reviews), Axl Rose is picking a fight with an unlikely foe: Dr. Pepper?!?

So how did it come to this, and when will they squash the beef?

Back in March of this year, Dr. Pepper said (with tongue firmly in cheek) that they empathized with Axl’s search for musical perfection, since their company had taken a long time to perfect its soda recipe.  So the company offered everyone in the United States a free can of Dr. Pepper if the album came out in 2008.  Fans had waited well over a decade already for the album, and it seemed like a safe publicity stunt.

Axl even thanked the company, saying their support “came totally out of the blue.”

Fast forward to November.  All of a sudden, to the surprise of the entire universe, Chinese Democracy is actually, officially, physically released.  For one day, Dr. Pepper offered a coupon for a free can of soda on its website…until the website crashed.  Axl (and his lawyers) jumped on the limp promotion, dramatically calling it a “fiasco” and accusing the company of failing to make it realistically possible for everyone in America to get their can.  Guns N’Roses demanded a longer window for consumers, a public apology to the band and monetary damages.

Dr. Pepper extended its offer but refused to apologize to the band.

Dictionary.com defines “fiasco” as a “complete failure.”  That might be too harsh for a mess this silly.  But certainly the triumphant release of Axl’s magnum opus has been tarnished and Dr. Pepper is left with a public relations embarrassment.

Angelina Jolie wielded a gun in this summer’s action flick, “Wanted,” but the role also helped her get the most bang out of her buck. In The Hollywood Reporter’s list of highest-earning actresses released on Friday, Jolie came in at No. 1.

The Oscar winner, who was No. 2 last year, reportedly made $15 million for her assassin role in “Wanted” and could make $20 for the sequel.

 It’s been almost 20 years since she burst onto the scene in “Pretty Woman,” but Julia Roberts proved she can still garner big money. She made the list at No. 2 for making $15 million for her upcoming film, “Duplicity.”

Other big movie stars of Robert’s caliber, however, didn’t make the cut this year. Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry are both Oscar winners like Jolie and Roberts but failed to garner a $10 million salary from any of their movies. 

Last year’s highest-earning actress, Reese Witherspoon, slipped to No. 3 for earning $14 million for “Four Christmases,” which has been No. 1 at the box office for the past two weeks.

Cameron Diaz, Katherine Heigl (who made her debut on the list), Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Aniston, who made $8 million for the upcoming “Marley and Me,” rounded out the list.

Despite the power wattage from these actresses, the Y chromosome still helps to make the big bucks. Will Smith can make up to $25 million per movie and Brad Pitt can get up to $20 million. 

Nevertheless, Shiloh et. al have some rich movie star parents.

A week after being shot in the head in Beverly Hills, Scott Ruffalo, the 39-year-old brother of Mark Ruffalo, succumbed to his injuries and died Monday night at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

Police have issued a warrant for Shaha Mishaal Adham, a woman closely associated with a wealthy Saudi Arabian family. A motive has not yet been offered.

Mark Ruffalo is best known for his roles in Zodiac (starring Jake Gyllenhaal), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (starring Jim Carrey), You Can Count on Me (starring Laura Linney), and the recently released Blindness (starring Julianne Moore).

Josh Holloway, otherwise known as “Sawyer” on ABC’s Lost, is expecting his first child with wife Yessica.

The couple, who wed in 2004, is due for the new arrival sometime in 2009.

According to Us Weekly the couple had initially said that they didn’t want children, but earlier this year decided to go for it.

“We have changed our minds … only recently,” Holloway told USA Today in March. “Basically, nature happened.”

“If you’re in a loving relationship with someone, children becomes a part of it,” he added. “I don’t know exactly when or how, but we’re very open to either having our own children or adopting.”

Also exciting for Holloway in 2009 is the return of Lost for season five on January 21.  The new installment will feature the Oceanic Six struggling to return to the Island and the Left Behinders, led by Sawyer, struggling to stay alive in the face of a mysterious new threat.